Happy mother’s day to my step mom mug
I am very lucky to have been involved in the raising of five wonderful children, two of whom are my birth children (an 11-year old son and an 8-year old daughter) and three that I inherited by marrying their father, who retained custody of the children after divorcing their mother. Happy mother’s day to my step mom mug. I’ve learned some things on this journey that seem important to share with anyone who is a step mom or is planning to marry into a stepmother role
1. In the children’s eyes, you are the final and most obvious symbol of their dashed hopes that their parents might someday work things out, so don’t be surprised if it takes a while for them to warm up to you.
2. There cannot be two sets of rules – daddy rules and wicked stepmother rules – you and your spouse should communicate regularly and have a united set of family rules that everyone lives by.
3. Do not try to compete with them-your husband loves you, but he loves them too. Don’t put your spouse in the middle of every tangle.
4. If you cannot open your heart to his children, do not marry him.
5. They are kids, you are the adult – they are supposed to make things difficult, and you are supposed to rise above it.
6. Children need consistency to build trust. Provide it with an open heart and mind.
7. The kids do not go away just because you said I do. They were there before you started dating, and they will always be a part of your life and his.
8. It is ok to demand time for just you and your husband-no kids, whether they are his, hers, or yours.
9. It is normal to feel a little insecure at times about where you stand-sometimes you are the outsider and they’ve had special memories without you, but it’s a sign of a healthy relationship when you can communicate those insecurities to your spouse and he understands and can help make you feel more a part of things (Dave shared old family videos with me so that I knew that the kids were like when they were little).
10. You have the right to be treated with respect, and your spouse should demand it of his children (he can’t make them love you, call you mom, or forge a friendship, but he can demand that they behave properly).